My son, Patrick, looked so handsome in his cream-colored suit, leading his bride, Danielle, onto the scuffed hardwood floor at the center of the old-time dance hall for their first dance as husband and wife. Hands entwined, Danielle\u2019s satin train swishing at their feet, they twirled in unison.<\/p>\n
Until Patrick missed a step. He made a goofy face. They both laughed, and picked up right where they\u2019d left off.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re so great together,\u201d my husband, James, whispered. That was for sure. I squeezed his hand and nodded.<\/p>\n
But then my gaze wandered to the other side of the hall, where my ex-husband, Terry, stood, a reminder of the one item left on my wedding checklist. God, I know what I have to do, <\/em>I thought. But I don\u2019t think I can do it.<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019d dreamed of this day\u2014my son\u2019s wedding\u2014for a long time. What mother doesn\u2019t? But for me, it was more than a celebration of Patrick marrying the love of his life. It was a validation of the relationship I\u2019d struggled to rebuild with him after his father and I divorced, 11 years earlier.<\/p>\n Patrick was only 15 at the time, and he took the breakup really hard. He stayed with his father, and for two and a half years he refused to speak to me, not even by text. Now he was holding in his arms the girl I\u2019d introduced him to, and smiling whenever his eyes met mine. All the pain of the past seemed to be forgiven.<\/p>\n I sensed, however, that one thing still bothered Patrick. It definitely bothered me. The rift between my ex-husband and me.<\/p>\n Both of us had moved on\u2014I\u2019d married James, and Terry was now engaged. But since the divorce papers were signed we\u2019d hardly spoken\u2014except when it was absolutely necessary for parenting Patrick and his sister, Lindsey.<\/p>\n I\u2019d lost contact with Terry\u2019s siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews too\u2014relatives I\u2019d loved as my own. Patrick\u2019s wedding had brought us together again, and I didn\u2019t want the estrangement to tarnish his special day.<\/p>\n I\u2019d thought a lot about Terry and me sharing a dance. One dance, for Patrick\u2019s sake. <\/em>But all of our history stood in the way.<\/p>\n I\u2019d thought Terry was Mr. Right when I married him, straight out of college. Some couples who marry young grow together. Terry and I grew apart. Criticism and arguments slowly smothered our relationship.<\/p>\n We stayed together so long\u201420 years\u2014because I wanted the marriage to work. I didn\u2019t want to hurt Patrick and Lindsey. Finally, though, I made what I thought was the most emotionally healthy choice for all of us and left the marriage.<\/p>\n Still, guilt plagued me. Terry\u2014and his entire family, I assumed\u2014blamed me for the divorce. And I felt like I deserved it. The same way I\u2019d deserved Patrick\u2019s anger.<\/p>\n Patrick and Danielle\u2019s first dance ended, and my son wrapped his arms around his bride, leaning in for a kiss. Everyone applauded. I clapped extra hard. Reconciling with my son hadn\u2019t been easy. We\u2019d come a long way. Now we shared an extra-special connection\u2014Danielle.<\/p>\n Her great-grandfather was my close friend. He had officiated at my wedding to James. So when I learned Danielle had transferred to the same college as Patrick, I\u2019d pestered him (nicely) to ask her out. Several months later, Patrick called with some news. \u201cMom, the stars line up over Danielle!\u201d he gushed. \u201cShe\u2019s the one!\u201d<\/p>\n I was elated, but planning their April wedding meant facing Terry.<\/p>\n My time with Terry leading up to the wedding was, thankfully, short (he probably was glad of that too). He immediately agreed to contribute toward the wedding costs, and left James and me in charge of the rehearsal dinner, which we hosted at a restaurant downtown.<\/p>\n All through the meal I wanted so badly to talk to Terry and remind him of some funny moments when Patrick was little. But I couldn\u2019t, and he didn\u2019t say much to me either.<\/p>\n The DJ blasted a pop song and the dance floor filled. Through the crowd, across the way, I saw one of Terry\u2019s sisters-in-law. Go, Sheryl, talk to her, <\/em>that voice inside my head urged. But I resisted. What if she didn\u2019t want to have anything to do with me?<\/p>\n I looked at Patrick, having the time of his life. You used to think he\u2019d never talk to you again either, <\/em>I reminded myself. But I\u2019d prayed, and I\u2019d cried, and I\u2019d prayed some more. I sent e-mails even though he didn\u2019t answer. I kept reaching out.<\/p>\n Today I owed it to him to cross the dance floor, to close the rift, to reach out again.<\/p>\n Lord, here I go\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n One foot in front of the other. It seemed to take forever. Then through the throng of dancers, I saw Terry\u2019s sister-in-law\u2019s face, saw her smile.<\/p>\n \u201cSheryl, I love your green dress!\u201d she exclaimed when I reached her. \u201cIt\u2019s so wonderful to see you again!\u201d The sincerity in her voice cut through the music. She hugged me, and it felt no different from all the times she\u2019d hugged me in the past. I hugged back, hard.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, you\u2019ve got <\/em>to introduce me to your husband!\u201d she said, nodding toward James, jiving on the dance floor with my cousin\u2019s little girl. \u201cY\u2019all look so great together!\u201d Other family members of Terry\u2019s walked up to congratulate me on Patrick\u2019s beautiful bride.<\/p>\n They don\u2019t hate me, <\/em>I thought. Maybe they never did.<\/em><\/p>\n I felt lighter as I rejoined James on the dance floor. Until I saw Terry and his fianc\u00e9e at their table, talking with friends. We haven\u2019t spent any time together all evening, <\/em>I thought. Patrick was bound to notice.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d James asked.<\/p>\n \u201cJames\u2026should I ask Terry to dance?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo ahead,\u201d he said. \u201cI don\u2019t have any problem with that.\u201d<\/p>\n But would Terry? I could still picture the look on his face when I\u2019d asked for a divorce. Shocked. Hurt. Bitter. What if he reacted the same way tonight?<\/p>\n The evening was almost over. I was running out of time. I took a deep breath and walked over to Terry\u2019s table. This was it. \u201cWould you like to dance, Terry?\u201d<\/p>\n He looked surprised. \u201cSure,\u201d he said, pushing back his chair.<\/p>\n He took my hands in his and we jitterbugged in slow circles. Terry smiled at me, his eyes crinkling. I smiled back, with tear-filled eyes. I just couldn\u2019t stop the emotions that flooded through me. Joy for all the years we\u2019d shared. Sadness for what we\u2019d lost. Regret for the pain we\u2019d caused each other and our children.<\/p>\n