{"id":20037,"date":"2026-03-11T08:42:00","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T08:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/guideposts.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/memorial-day-a-time-for-heroes\/"},"modified":"2026-04-23T04:42:29","modified_gmt":"2026-04-23T04:42:29","slug":"memorial-day-a-time-for-heroes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/guideposts.org\/articles\/positive-living\/friends-and-family\/family\/military-families\/memorial-day-a-time-for-heroes\/","title":{"rendered":"Memorial Day: A Time for Heroes"},"content":{"rendered":"

I leaned against an oak at the side of the road, wishing I were invisible, keeping my distance from my parents on their lawn chairs and my younger siblings scampering about.<\/p>\n

I hoped none of my friends saw me there. God forbid they caught me waving one of the small American flags Mom bought at Ben Franklin for a dime. At 16, I was too old and definitely too cool for our small town\u2019s Memorial Day parade.<\/p>\n

I ought to be at the lake<\/em>, I brooded. But, no, the all-day festivities were mandatory<\/em> in my family.<\/p>\n

READ MORE: 7 THINGS TO REMEMBER ON MEMORIAL DAY<\/strong><\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

A high school band marched by, the girl in sequins missing her baton as it tumbled from the sky. Firemen blasted sirens in their polished red trucks. The uniforms on the troop of World War II veterans looked too snug on more than one member.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere comes Mema,\u201d my father shouted.<\/p>\n

Five black convertibles lumbered down the boulevard. The mayor was in the first, handing out programs. I didn\u2019t need to look at one. I knew my uncle Bud\u2019s name was printed on it, as it had been every year since he was killed in Italy. Our family\u2019s war hero.<\/p>\n

And I knew that perched on the backseat of one of the cars, waving and smiling, was Mema, my grandmother. She had a corsage on her lapel and a sign in gold embossed letters on the car door: \u201cGold Star Mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hid behind the tree so I wouldn\u2019t have to meet her gaze. It wasn\u2019t because I didn\u2019t love her or appreciate her. She\u2019d taught me how to sew, to call a strike in baseball. She made great cinnamon rolls, which we always ate after the parade.<\/p>\n

What embarrassed me was all the attention she got for a son who had died 20 years earlier. With four other children and a dozen grandchildren, why linger over this one long-ago loss?<\/p>\n

I peeked out from behind the oak just in time to see Mema wave and blow my family a kiss as the motorcade moved on. The purple ribbon on her hat fluttered in the breeze.<\/p>\n

The rest of our Memorial Day ritual was equally scripted. No use trying to get out of it. I followed my family back to Mema\u2019s house, where there was the usual baseball game in the backyard and the same old reminiscing about Uncle Bud in the kitchen.<\/p>\n

Helping myself to a cinnamon roll, I retreated to the living room and plopped down on an armchair.<\/p>\n

There I found myself staring at the Army photo of Bud on the bookcase. The uncle I\u2019d never known. I must have looked at him a thousand times\u2014so proud in his crested cap and knotted tie. His uniform was decorated with military emblems that I could never decode.<\/p>\n

READ MORE: AT HOME ON MEMORIAL DAY<\/strong><\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

Funny, he was starting to look younger to me as I got older. Who were you, Uncle Bud? <\/em>I nearly asked aloud.<\/p>\n

I picked up the photo and turned it over. Yellowing tape held a prayer card that read: \u201cLloyd \u2018Bud\u2019 Heitzman, 1925-1944. A Great Hero.\u201d Nineteen years old when he died, not much older than I was. But a great hero? How<\/em> could you be a hero at 19?<\/p>\n

The floorboards creaked behind me. I turned to see Mema coming in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron.<\/p>\n

I almost hid the photo because I didn\u2019t want to listen to the same stories I\u2019d heard year after year: \u201cYour uncle Bud had this little rat-terrier named Jiggs. Good old Jiggs. How he loved that mutt! He wouldn\u2019t go anywhere without Jiggs. He used to put him in the rumble seat of his Chevy coupe and drive all over town.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember how hard Bud worked after we lost the farm? At haying season he worked all day, sunrise to sunset, baling for other farmers. Then he brought me all his wages. He\u2019d say, \u2018Mama, someday I\u2019m going to buy you a brand-new farm. I promise.\u2019 There wasn\u2019t a better boy in the world!\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes I wondered about that boy dying alone in a muddy ditch in a foreign country he\u2019d only read about. I thought of the scared kid who jumped out of a foxhole in front of an advancing enemy, only to be downed by a sniper. I couldn\u2019t reconcile the image of the boy and his dog with that of the stalwart soldier.<\/p>\n

Mema stood beside me for a while, looking at the photo. From outside came the sharp snap of an American flag flapping in the breeze and the voices of my cousins cheering my brother at bat.<\/p>\n

\u201cMema,\u201d I asked, \u201cwhat\u2019s a hero?\u201d Without a word she turned and walked down the hall to the back bedroom. I followed.<\/p>\n

She opened a bureau drawer and took out a small metal box, then sank down onto the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cThese are Bud\u2019s things,\u201d she said. \u201cThey sent them to us after he died.\u201d She opened the lid and handed me a telegram dated October 13, 1944. \u201cThe Secretary of State regrets to inform you that your son, Lloyd Heitzman, was killed in Italy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Your son!<\/em> I imagined Mema reading that sentence for the first time. I didn\u2019t know what I would have done if I\u2019d gotten a telegram like that.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere\u2019s Bud\u2019s wallet,\u201d she continued. Even after all those years, it was caked with dried mud. Inside was Bud\u2019s driver\u2019s license with the date of his sixteenth birthday. I compared it with the driver\u2019s license I had just received.<\/p>\n

A photo of Bud holding a little spotted dog fell out of the wallet. Jiggs. Bud looked so pleased with his mutt.<\/p>\n

There were other photos in the wallet: a laughing Bud standing arm in arm with two buddies, photos of my mom and aunt and uncle, another of Mema waving. This was the home Uncle Bud took with him<\/em>, I thought.<\/p>\n

I could see him in a foxhole, taking out these snapshots to remind himself of how much he was loved and missed.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s this?\u201d I asked, pointing to a shot of a pretty dark-haired girl.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie. Bud dated her in high school. He wanted to marry her when he came home.\u201d A girlfriend? Marriage? How heartbreaking to have a life, plans and hopes for the future, so brutally snuffed out.<\/p>\n

Sitting on the bed, Mema and I sifted through the treasures in the box: a gold watch that had never been wound again. A sympathy letter from President Roosevelt, and one from Bud\u2019s commander. A medal shaped like a heart, trimmed with a purple ribbon. And at the very bottom, the deed to Mema\u2019s house.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019s this here?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause Bud bought this house for me.\u201d She explained how after his death, the U.S. government gave her 10 thousand dollars, and with it she built the house she was still living in.<\/p>\n

READ MORE: REMEMBERING MEMORIAL DAY<\/strong><\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cHe kept his promise all right,\u201d Mema said in a quiet voice I\u2019d never heard before.<\/p>\n

For a long while the two of us sat there on the bed. Then we put the wallet, the medal, the letters, the watch, the photos and the deed back into the metal box. I finally understood why it was so important for Mema\u2014and me\u2014to remember Uncle Bud on this day.<\/p>\n

If he\u2019d lived longer he might have built that house for Mema or married his high-school girlfriend. There might have been children and grandchildren to remember him by.<\/p>\n

As it was, there was only that box, the name in the program and the reminiscing around the kitchen table.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess he was a hero because he gave everything for what he believed,\u201d I said carefully.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, child,\u201d Mema replied, wiping a tear with the back of her hand. \u201cDon\u2019t ever forget that.\u201d<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t. Even today with Mema gone, my husband and I take our lawn chairs to the tree-shaded boulevard on Memorial Day and give our three daughters small American flags that I buy for a quarter at Ben Franklin.<\/p>\n

I want them to remember that life isn\u2019t just about getting what you want. Sometimes it involves giving up the things you love for what you love even more. That many men and women did the same for their country\u2014that\u2019s what I think when I see the parade pass by now.<\/p>\n

And if I close my eyes and imagine, I can still see Mema in her regal purple hat, honoring her son, a true<\/em> American hero.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I leaned against an oak at the side of the road, wishing I were invisible, keeping my distance from my parents on their lawn chairs and my younger siblings scampering about. I hoped none of my friends saw me there. 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