{"id":23353,"date":"2026-03-11T14:34:29","date_gmt":"2026-03-11T14:34:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/guideposts.org\/articles\/uncategorized\/the-secrets-to-resilience\/"},"modified":"2026-07-02T17:48:46","modified_gmt":"2026-07-02T21:48:46","slug":"the-secrets-to-resilience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/guideposts.org\/articles\/positive-living\/the-secrets-to-resilience\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secrets to Resilience"},"content":{"rendered":"

The taxi driver deposited my bags and boxes on the sidewalk in front of my new building, slammed the trunk and drove off into the autumn night. I watched the cab disappear down the street, relief washing over me. Whew! I\u2019d finally gotten all my things out of my old place across town. It wasn\u2019t until I lugged the last box upstairs to my new apartment that I realized what was missing. My laptop.<\/p>\n

That spring I\u2019d left my full-time job to work on an idea I had for a book. I\u2019d taken odd jobs and part-time gigs to support myself while the proposal took shape. At last I was ready to send it off to publishers. But all my research, my working notes, my drafts\u2014everything I\u2019d sweated over for the past six months was on that computer! I hadn\u2019t backed anything up on disk. Panicky phone calls to the taxi bureau got me nowhere. My laptop\u2014and my incredibly labor-intensive book proposal\u2014were gone.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s in circumstances like this that we discover what we\u2019re made of. Do you have what it takes to rebound from adversity<\/a>\u2014whether it\u2019s a relatively minor setback like mine (of course, it didn\u2019t seem that way at the time) or a major tragedy like Hurricane Katrina, which left thousands of people with their entire lives upended? Are you resilient?<\/p>\n

Call it grit, hardiness, fortitude or inner strength. By whatever name, it isn\u2019t so much your experience or training, it\u2019s your level of resilience in the face of stress<\/a> that determines whether you succeed or fail, according to a recent issue of the Harvard Business Review. Or as psychologist Al Siebert, Ph.D., author of The Resiliency Advantage: Master Change, Thrive Under Pressure and Bounce Back from Setbacks<\/em>, puts it, \u201cResilient people decide that somehow, some way, they will do the very best they can to survive, cope and make things turn out well. They expect to bounce back. They have a knack for creating good luck out of circumstances that many others see as bad luck.\u201d<\/p>\n

You read that right. Resilience is a choice. Researchers have done more than 600 studies on the topic, and there\u2019s a general consensus: The ability to bounce back from hardship<\/a> isn\u2019t a trait that a person is either born with or not. Resilience is a set of skills that anyone can learn and build on at any point in her life. Anyone!<\/p>\n

Ask for help.<\/strong>
\nI\u2019d thought I was a pretty resilient person, but my reaction to losing my book proposal didn\u2019t show it. \u201cI guess it wasn\u2019t meant to be,\u201d I moaned. My friend Patrick wouldn\u2019t let me wallow in self-pity. \u201cYour work was on that laptop, but the idea for your book is still in your head,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s a great idea, too! You can\u2019t just abandon it because of one unfortunate incident.\u201d With Patrick cheering me on, I started over. Within a year, I\u2019d rewritten my proposal, sent it out\u2026and landed a contract with a major publisher!<\/p>\n

Wouldn\u2019t it be nice if every time life knocked you for a loop you had someone like Patrick standing there to lift you back up? But your friends and family are busy with their own lives, and you can\u2019t expect them to read your mind and automatically sense when you\u2019re feeling down. One of the conclusions experts have come to about what it takes to be a survivor and thriver: Resilient people know they need support, and they\u2019re humble enough to ask for it<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Take octogenarian Grace Kanner of Queensbury, New York. Several years ago, she slipped on a patch of ice and broke her hip. This active and independent senior citizen had spent her youth dancing on the stages of New York City. \u201cI had never fallen down before, not once,\u201d Kanner says. The idea of asking for help didn\u2019t come easy, but during her recovery, she leaned on her family both physically and emotionally. Without them, she says, she might not be walking on the treadmill and going about town like she does today. \u201cBut in the end,\u201d Kanner points out, \u201cyou have to make the effort yourself\u201d to get up and go on after any kind of tumble.<\/p>\n

A big part of that effort, researchers agree, is mental.<\/p>\n

Expect good things.<\/strong>
\nWhile resilience itself isn\u2019t hard-wired, we do pick up certain beliefs from our parents that can affect our level of it. \u201cFrom birth, we are actively processing our environment and forming our beliefs,\u201d says Andrew Shatte, Ph.D., coauthor with Karen Reivich of The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life\u2019s Hurdles<\/em>. \u201cResearch shows that our beliefs largely reflect those of our parents.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kanner is a case in point. \u201cMy mother was a strong woman who always looked on the bright side,\u201d she says. \u201cIf she wanted to accomplish something, she sat down and thought about it in a positive way<\/a>. And nine times out of ten, it came to fruition.\u201d<\/p>\n

What if your mom and dad don\u2019t happen to be of the glass-is-half-full variety? You can work around that and learn to see life your own way. \u201cIf you grew up believing that good things aren\u2019t supposed to happen to you,\u201d says Shatte, \u201cit\u2019s time to begin challenging that notion.\u201d (Hey, good things are supposed to happen to all of us!) Not only will you pump up your resilience, you\u2019ll also find \u201cit is empowering to realize you are capable of changing your old ways of thinking.\u201d Shatte breaks it down into A, B, C. \u201cWhen Adversity comes up, it doesn\u2019t lead directly to a Consequence. In between is your Belief,\u201d he says. \u201cWe teach people that what they believe affects what they do, which leads to the final outcome.\u201d Change your thinking about a setback\u2014view it as an opportunity, for instance\u2014and you can change its consequences.<\/p>\n

Plan for bumps in the road.<\/strong>
\nHaving an optimistic outlook doesn\u2019t mean living in a dream world. \u201cPeople tend to think they are entitled to an easy life and continual comfort, but that\u2019s not realistic,\u201d says Salvatore Maddi, Ph.D., author of Resilience at Work: How to Succeed No Matter What Life Throws at You<\/em>. And realism, he notes, is a key ingredient in the resilient mindset.<\/p>\n

Siebert concurs: \u201cPeople who are good at resilience have trained their brain to be in the habit of looking quickly and accurately at a situation. They go into a state of rapid reality-reading and can respond effectively.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like my dad, Steve Rovito. He\u2019s in sales, and in his late fifties, the company he\u2019d worked at for nearly 10 years started layoffs. The lowest sellers went first, then the new hires. Soon not even the top sellers were safe. \u201cI didn\u2019t think negatively but I did try to anticipate what could go wrong,\u201d he says. \u201cAnd then I got prepared.\u201d He developed a plan to live frugally and enjoy an early retirement. He didn\u2019t have to use it because he was offered a job with a competitor not long after being laid off, but he was ready for that bump in the road.<\/p>\n

Still, hitting the bump can be jarring. Don\u2019t worry if you can\u2019t immediately pick yourself up and march on. Take time to process the situation. \u201cInstead of wallowing, go into problem-solving mode,\u201d says Shatte. That works for my dad. \u201cWhen things don\u2019t go my way, I go in my cave and pout,\u201d he says. \u201cBut I also use that time to write an action plan. It might have two steps, it might have 10. But if I write it down, there\u2019s a much better chance that I\u2019ll stick with it.\u201d (That\u2019s one thing that runs in the family. My dad recently came across one of my old notebooks. Inside was a list of my goals. On it: \u201cWrite a book.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Practice making lemonade out of lemons.<\/strong>
\nTo Maddi, writing down an action plan shows two hallmarks of resilience: You\u2019re committed to making lemonade out of the lemons life dumps in your lap and you view the juicing process as a challenge you\u2019re well-equipped to take on. \u201cIf you\u2019re strong in commitment, you believe that no matter how bad things get, it is best to stick with it until the end, rather than avoiding the problem or running away,\u201d he says. \u201cAnd if you\u2019re strong in the challenge area, you are able to see stress and change as a normal part of life. You use it as an opportunity to grow and develop.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joanne K. Hill of South Bend, Indiana, has had to deal with more lemons than most. In a four-year span, she lost a dozen family members, beginning with her husband and ending with her son. \u201cA lot of people say to me, \u2018You have such a positive attitude.\u2019 I tell them, \u2018It\u2019s a process; you can learn it too.\u2019 If you do it, and do it enough, you will always be able to do it\u2014in the best and worst of times.\u201d She believes so strongly that you can learn to cope positively with crisis, she wrote a book about it, Rainbow Remedies for Life\u2019s Stormy Times<\/em>.<\/p>\n

This goes back to what researchers have found: Anyone can develop resilience, with time and practice. And the willingness to work hard at it. Leslee Spencer of Desert Hot Springs, California, knows that from fighting and beating cancer. \u201cI didn\u2019t let myself fall apart at the idea that I had cancer. I went into resourceful mode: What can I do? What\u2019s my next step?\u201d Treatment sapped her strength, and she couldn\u2019t return to her job as a massage therapist. Spencer took a skills test, found she had an aptitude for math and now has another job she really enjoys, tutoring high school students. She and Hill are great examples of what expert Al Siebert has noticed: \u201cResilient people allow themselves to feel grief, anger, loss and confusion, but they don\u2019t let it become a permanent state. They expect to rebuild their disrupted lives in a new way that works for them, and the struggle to overcome adversity develops new strengths in them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Choose to change the things you can.<\/strong>
\nSiebert has seen time and time again that \u201cfaith has a place in resiliency.\u201d One man he knew successfully battled skin cancer only to be diagnosed with leukemia soon afterward. \u201cI asked him how he was handling it all, and he replied, \u2018I do what I can with the things I can control: I get a lot of rest and keep my health up. Then I accept that there are other things that are out of my hands. After that, I have faith.\u201d<\/p>\n

Echoes of The Serenity Prayer? It\u2019s part of Andrew Shatte\u2019s resiliency training program for corporate clients. He uses the famous 12-step prayer to empower people and remind them they \u201ccan develop the courage to go after those things that they can change.\u201d<\/p>\n

And the grit. Grace Kanner\u2019s broken hip cut her muscles and the hospital had her in physical therapy from 9 am to 4 pm every day. A grueling regimen. When she faltered, she\u2019d repeat something a young therapist told her\u2014\u201dGrace, you\u2019re in charge. Not the muscle.\u201d\u2014and push on toward her goal of being active again.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome people remain resilient because they hold to the firm belief that they are indeed capable of influencing things for the better,\u201d Siebert says. Joanne Hill, for whom faith is a powerful weapon against adversity, adds that knowing you\u2019re not alone in your struggles can give you the strength to persevere, as can believing that your setbacks are part of a greater plan. \u201cThere is a blessing in everything that happens to you,\u201d she says. \u201cYou need to make the decision to find it.\u201d Now that<\/em> is choosing resilience!<\/p>\n

Download your FREE <\/em>positive thinking ebook<\/em><\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The taxi driver deposited my bags and boxes on the sidewalk in front of my new building, slammed the trunk and drove off into the autumn night. I watched the cab disappear down the street, relief washing over me. Whew! I\u2019d finally gotten all my things out of my old place across town. It wasn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":30318,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":"","_wpscppro_dont_share_socialmedia":false,"_wpscppro_custom_social_share_image":0,"_facebook_share_type":"","_twitter_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type":"","_pinterest_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type_page":"","_instagram_share_type":"","_medium_share_type":"","_threads_share_type":"","_google_business_share_type":"","_selected_social_profile":[],"_wpsp_enable_custom_social_template":false,"_wpsp_social_scheduling":{"enabled":false,"datetime":null,"platforms":[],"status":"template_only","dateOption":"today","timeOption":"now","customDays":"","customHours":"","customDate":"","customTime":"","schedulingType":"absolute"},"_wpsp_active_default_template":true},"categories":[136],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[701],"class_list":["post-23353","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-positive-living"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Secrets to Resilience - Guideposts Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/guideposts.org\/articles\/positive-living\/the-secrets-to-resilience\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Secrets to Resilience\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The taxi driver deposited my bags and boxes on the sidewalk in front of my new building, slammed the trunk and drove off into the autumn night. 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