What Is the Key to Lifelong Happiness?

What is the key to lifelong happiness? Each of us might have different responses to that question, reflecting on joy in the here-and-now as well as sustainable, authentic happiness over the years.

If you’re the sort of person who likes to learn “best practices” when it comes to emotional well-being, look no further than Harvard University, whose Study of Adult Development  is one of the longest-running pieces of happiness research. The study launched in 1938, following 764 men—then teenagers—from around the world.

The findings point us in this direction: the greatest source of long-term happiness is positive relationships we cultivate with others.

The Key to Lifelong Happiness: “Social Fitness”

The Harvard researchers use the term “social fitness” to describe the positive relationships that they note among people who report greater happiness over their lifetimes. The hallmarks of a socially fit person include:

• Honesty when assessing which friendships and relationships are serving your life—and the courage to move on from those that aren’t.
• A variety of types of relationships, including friends of different ages, with different life experiences, and including casual friendships as well as deep ones.
• Strong communication skills, including understanding how to apologize when necessary.
• Empathy and compassion for others—and recognition of how you and a friend contribute to each other’s lives.

What Makes a Positive Relationship?

Friendship, like love, is a muscle that needs to be exercised regularly if it’s to remain strong. Positive relationships often have these things in common:

• We share interests, passions, or values.
• We hold space for each other when our friends are struggling.
• We celebrate and mourn together.
• We reflect on our own role in the friendship, using a “mirror,” not a “magnifying glass” to solve problems.

Positive Relationships Keep Us Physically Healthier

Fostering positive relationships in these ways help us stay healthier and live longer. And if good health and longevity aren’t ingredients in lifelong happiness, I don’t what is. Try these other longevity-supporting activities (with a friend!) for a health-and-happiness win-win.

• Start a garden.
• Take a walk or do other gentle exercise.
• Practice optimism and positive thinking.

How “socially fit” do you feel? Take stock of your relationships and see how you can build more positivity—and happiness—into each connection you have with another person.