Helping the Helper

I called Mother and could hear the exhaustion and frustration in her voice. She had never complained about being the caregiver for my father who had Parkinson’s with advancing dementia. Until now. Dad had begun to experience “sundowner syndrome,” and become restless every evening.

I booked an airplane ticket to spend a few days helping her. The day I arrived, I told Mom, “Get out this evening and let me take care of Dad.” Within minutes after she left, Dad began to wander around the house. He grabbed a bag and started filling it. He announced, “I’m leaving,” and set the bag by the door. I began watching for the headlights of my mother’s car to pull into the drive. How can she handle this every night?

After Dad went to bed, Mother and I discussed how she needed help—not just daycare, but full-time care with qualified health professionals who understood the dementia patient. If one family member is hurting, the rest hurts too. Family and friends need each other, not only as co-caregivers but to help discern what steps may need to be taken in the future for both the patient and caregiver.