A Different Truth

“Let’s watch a movie,” Daddy suggested. Something that would appeal to Mom. We chose one, Singin’ in the Rain. I always loved being with my parents, hearing the patterns of their conversation, reveling in being a child again. Those conversations had suffered since Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, but the essence of their marriage was still intact.

“I’ve never seen this movie before,” Mom said as we sat on the couch. “What are you talking about?” Daddy blustered. “We’ve seen this movie hundreds of times. Don’t you remember?”

In fact, Mom didn’t remember, and with Daddy insisting that of course they’d seen it, Mom’s mood spiraled out of control. “You’re lying!” she shouted angrily.

My best and most hard-won strategy for stopping an argument with Mom was simply to accept that she was right in situations that posed no danger, even when her “reality” might be out of sync with the truth. “You know,” I said, “you may be right.”

“Of course I’m right,” she said indignantly.

“You see that, Daddy? This might be like the first time Mom is watching this movie.” “Oh,” he said, catching on. “You’re right.”

And that was it. Mom’s sense of “truth” was assuaged. We all sat down to watch and sing along with the movie. The amazing thing was that although she was sure she hadn’t seen it before, Mom remembered all the songs!