Moving Through Loss

I continued on my brisk three-mile walk and wiped away tears as quickly as they fell. I tried to focus on the music flowing through my headphones but my memories were louder. My thoughts floated back to my mom, whom I’d lost over two decades ago. I thought about the beauty of her olive skin and the contrast to my own deeper brown.

The tears flowed as I remembered several losses I’d experienced over the years. Losses of parents and in-laws, and most recently my dog, Beethoven.

I’ve learned as a caregiver that loss brings about change in my “normal” routine. I’ve given myself permission to grieve not only the loss of a loved one, but the changes it brings to my life. Sometimes the changes are the hardest part for me to deal with.

After I finished my walk, I took a few minutes to look at my favorite picture of Mom and me. I smiled, and whispered, “I love you.”

I rested my hand on the back of the chair where Beethoven had spent most of his days while I worked. I brushed my fingertips across the seat cushion where he’d rested. “I miss you, dear friend,” I said.

My tears had stopped…for now, anyway. I took a deep breath before getting ready for my day.