On Her Terms

“You can choose to live, or you can choose to die,” declared my grandmother Momma Ida. “I choose to live!” The year was 1973 and the doctor had just informed Momma Ida and family after her cancer surgery that she had only six months to two years to live. But my grandmother lived 38 years longer, traveling across America on Amtrak and visiting the Holy Land multiple times.

So when she got the news in 2010 that she had metastatic pancreatic cancer, Momma Ida said that this time around, she did not want to hear any “death sentence,” as she termed it. It was difficult, but my family and I honored her request and spoke with her oncologist in private to get her prognosis. With her, he only discussed her symptoms, and told her what to expect without ever saying she was dying. Momma Ida did die two months after her diagnosis, but it was on her terms.

It is so important as a caregiver to listen to our loved ones and to respect their wishes as much as possible. Yes, my grandmother knew she was dying, but she believed God would take her when it was his time, not based on what the doctor said.