You can’t go home again. That’s what they say. But I returned to California, where I grew up, after seven years of being away.
My roots were there, I figured, even though my parents and grandparents were now gone and I’d lost touch with all my old friends. Besides, my lonely new house was about to become a home. I was getting a dog. I straightened the family photographs on the end table while I waited for the shelter volunteer to drop the dog off for a trial run.
My father and grandmother smiled out at me from the frames. Two generations of Californians. They knew where home was, I thought. I hoped one day I would too.
A car horn honked outside and I ran to open the door. The big rottweiler I’d chosen from the animal adoption Web site sat strong and proud in the passenger seat of the volunteer’s truck. Her thumbnail picture had immediately jumped out at me from the computer screen.
“Lili” had been abandoned in the Mohave Desert. A good Samaritan had brought her to an animal shelter, but after 10 days she was scheduled to be put to sleep. Bottom line was, Lili needed a home as much as I did.
Lili pulled on the leash all the way to the front door. “Hold on a minute, girl,” the volunteer said. “Hi, I’m Christine. Looks like Lili’s anxious to settle down here.”
I reached out and patted Lili on the head. Christine unsnapped her leash. “Come on in,” I said. Lili sniffed at the carpet and looked up at us, confused. “I don’t think she’s ever been on a rug before,” said Christine.
I kneeled down and nuzzled her black nose. “Your life’s been pretty rugged, hasn’t it, girl?” She licked my hand. “Things are going to be different from now on—for both of us.”
“Let me know how she’s doing tomorrow, okay?” Christine asked. “I’ll go and let you two get acquainted.”
“I sure will,” I promised. Lili ran to the picture window. “Don’t worry,” I said as Christine drove away. “This is where you belong.” God, I wish I could be as sure of that about myself.
Lili and I had a quiet dinner together that night. Then she curled up in the corner of my bedroom. I drifted off to sleep to the sound of Lili’s steady breathing. I had the strangest dream: I got out of bed and went into the living room. It was a bright, sunny day. Lili was standing on her hind legs, staring out the picture window. “Whatcha looking at?” I asked her.
Lili turned to me. “At your dad and grandmother,” she said. It didn’t strike me as odd that my dog could talk. I looked past her, and sure enough, there were Daddy and Grandma! Beside my father stood a shorter, rounder man. “Who’s that?” I asked Lili.
“That’s Christine’s grandfather, Frank,” she said. “He’s doing well.”
“Oh,” I said.
Not the sort of thing you expect to hear from a dog, but I didn’t think twice, what with all I had to tell Daddy and Grandma. I told them all about my job and the new house. We reminisced about Dad’s famous cookouts and our family’s weekend sailing trips to Catalina.
“And look,” I said. “This is Lili, my new dog!” I felt completely comfortable and loved and right at home. So this is what it feels like, I thought as the dream faded away.
The next morning I awoke with that same secure feeling. Lili was lying on her bed in the corner, unaware of the strange part she’d played in my dream. But there was an even stranger part. Frank, Christine’s grandfather. Where had that come from? I was due to report on Lili anyway, so I gave her a call. Lili followed.
“We had a great first night. No disasters,” I said when Christine’s answering machine picked up. “Plus Lili had a starring role in my dream last night.” For some reason I blurted out the whole thing, start to finish. “Uh, so, I just wanted to let you know Lili was fine,” I said. “Thanks.”
I hung up feeling silly. Why had I told her all that? “She’s going to think I’m nuts,” I said to Lili. “I hope she doesn’t change her mind about letting me keep you!” Lili looked at me with one of those funny dog faces, as if she might say, “Oh, don’t worry. I know I belong here.”
Lili and I spent the morning playing fetch in the yard. “You could do this all day, couldn’t you, girl?” I said. I needed a glass of water. We came back inside as the phone rang. It was Christine. “You and Lili are a good match,” she said. “But I have to ask about that dream you had…about my grandfather?”
“Lili said the man in my dream was your grandfather, Frank, and he was doing well. It must have seemed pretty silly.”
There was a long pause. “I was at a memorial service this morning,” Christine said. “For a dear friend of mine named Frank. I always thought of him as a kind of grandfather. That’s some dog you got there. Bye, now.”
I felt Lili’s warm body push against my leg, and hung up the kitchen phone. “You really are some dog, aren’t you, girl?” I got the feeling Lili wanted me to know for sure that things were going to work out for us here in California.
I poured a fresh bowl of water for her and a tall glass for me. It was just the two of us in the kitchen, comfortable and loved and right at home. Just where we belonged.
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