Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” —John 13:7 (NLT)
When my sister Maria died in her sleep, I thought the grief would lift when I could finally learn what happened. But when the autopsy came back with all the test results normal—no trauma, nothing wrong—I was baffled.
I spent hours on the Internet searching for the truth. I borrowed forensic books from the library. One late night, nose-deep in a medical book, I suddenly realized my mistake: I thought that if I found out how she died I would understand why. The answer was something I’d never find in a book.
I turned to prayer. I asked God to help me understand. No answer came. I prayed about it more. I changed my prayer to help me find peace without knowing. I still pray about it.
Not long ago a coworker brushed me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, did they ever find out what happened to your sister?”
I shook my head. “She just died.”
“Must be hard not knowing,” he said.
“It strengthens my faith,” I replied. As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I meant it.
Dear Lord, when doubt and questions trouble me, help me to have faith that there are reasons I’m not to know right now.
