I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. Psalm 13:5 (ESV)
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened this year. My mother had a stroke. I was afraid she was going to die. It’s the most out-of-control I have ever felt in my life. Completely out of my area of expertise, completely dependent on doctors, and completely powerless to stop the deterioration of the body that gave birth to me and houses my heart. We were completely at the mercy of God.
I didn’t know how to pray. But I don’t know how not to. So I just stayed by her bed, holding her hand and crying, Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on us. I didn’t feel much of anything. Looking back now, I guess there was an underlying peace; there always is. In the moment, I just felt numb. I’d like to be a person who experiences great signs and wonders, but that’s not me. Whatever is spiritual in me sat like a rock in my gut for days.
I cannot say I knew what would happen or that I had any sense or assurance of healing. I didn’t. I was on the edge of the abyss with no tree or rope to hang onto. But I had the Rock under my feet; my only hope was Jesus’s love. Fragments of Scripture came to mind. “Nothing can separate us from His love.” “Greater love has no one than this.” “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul.” I planted my feet on the Rock that is Jesus, and willed my soul to trust, even as my mind gaped into the waiting dark.
This time we got to keep her. I don’t know why and I don’t know what will happen next. But I do know I can trust Jesus’s love.
Faith Step: Place your trust in Jesus—completely at His mercy is where you want to be.
