Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)
Funerals are never easy, but that’s especially true when it’s a young person who has passed away. While my son was in Iraq, a buddy of his was killed in a car accident. I knew Jimmy would have wanted to attend, so I decided to go in his stead.
I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. The moment I caught sight of that grieving mother, her pain became mine. The imagined scenarios engulfed my mind. What if I had to plan my son’s funeral. Suddenly the danger of where he was and what could happen engulfed me.
As I spiraled deeper into that place of what if, the service continued. I refused to let myself leave until the service was over, but every second I stayed I fought to keep the panic at bay. As soon as I could slip away, I fled to the safety of my home and locked myself in my bedroom and cried.
As I sobbed, I poured out my heart to God, begging him to keep my son safe. I knew God loved him even more than I did–at least my head knew that–but my heart was unconvinced.
Laying there, I quoted this verse in Mark, over and over, trying to regain a measure of peace. Finally, when I couldn’t cry anymore, the truth of this verse began to steal over me.
I was divided, overwhelmed with doubt and fear. I tackled my doubt first. Could God keep my son safe? In my mind, I took an inventory of everything I knew about God. Peace began to settle over me as certainty took hold. God could keep Jimmy safe.
Now the deeper question. Would God keep him safe?
That one I couldn’t answer. There were no concrete assurances. Just like the boy’s father in the Bible, I had to accept it on faith and believe that no matter what, God could be trusted.
That was the day I accepted that God loves each of us more than any human can. He can be trusted with the lives of those who mean the most to each of us.
