Deployments are a stressful time, especially for military families. First, there’s the worry of having someone you love far from home. Second, there’s the very real fear for that person being in harm’s way. Third, there’s the added burden of taking care of things that your loved one would normally shoulder.
These three stressors can create a towering resentment that bleeds into every aspect of life and manifests itself in many ways–and toward many people.
We may take it out on the person deployed, close family and friends, even strangers who aren’t facing the same struggles. But we can defuse that resentment if we’re intentional about dealing with it head on:
1) Identify what sets your teeth on edge–be specific, not general.
For instance, you might think it’s single parenting that’s overwhelming you. But truthfully, it’s having to get up in the middle of the night, or dealing with mealtimes alone. By being specific, we can incorporate to the next tip…
2 ) Think of ways to restructure what’s setting your teeth on edge.
If it’s meal times, build in something different. If the kiddos are old enough, involve them in helping. If they’re not, enlist some regular help. You don’t have to impose on others. You could call a friend with kids the same age and ask for a regular evening play date.
3) Ask for help.
Often the resentment comes from the fact that we’re overwhelmed and overburdened. When we don’t share our needs with those around us who want to help, we’re denying them the chance to bless and ourselves the chance to be blessed.
4) Discuss your feelings with someone you trust.
I don’t know about you, but my thoughts and perceptions can swell to an enormous size if I keep them in my head. But if I let them out and discuss them with someone I trust, they become manageable. Beyond that, the person I’m sharing them with often has insight and suggestions that can help shrink them even more.
5) Keep a journal.
A journal is a great way to let out feelings of resentment. It’s also a great way to record our hopes, dreams and blessings. Having these positive entries to revisit can help defuse our resentment when it flares.
6) Share what you’re going through with the person who’s deployed.
Chances are they already sense something is going on. You’ll alleviate your burden–and theirs–when you share what’s bothering you.
7) Most importantly, share it with God through prayer.
The only thing that would always give me peace during my son’s deployments was time spent with God. Reading the Bible and praying helped–and continues to help–no matter what struggle I’m fighting.
It’s critical not to let deployment resentment grow into a wall between us and the ones we love. Unchecked, it can isolate and destroy us. But dealing with it can help us become stronger, no matter what we’re facing.
