You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You. (Isaiah 26:3)
I am a planner. But contrary to what most may think, this fact doesn’t mean I’m organized. Instead, my planning stems from a need to control my life. Planning is a tool I use—sometimes unconsciously—to help me anticipate what’s to come and be ready for it.
Having a son enlist in the Marine Corps straight out of high school wreaked havoc with my anticipated life. I was thrust into a world full of unseen what-ifs. Something new and frightening seemed to appear every time I rounded a corner. This unexpected detour as a military mom became the path I needed to find a bedrock of peace.
I could no longer count on the anticipated twists and turns of a son in college. Instead, I dealt with the fact that he was suddenly a man. And just as suddenly, half a world away, fighting on the frontline in a war zone.
So how did I cope?
Truthfully, not well at first. I struggled against nightmares and overwhelming worry. I let my concern for him overwhelm every other aspect of my life. I tried to control the future by anticipating what I’d do if he was injured or worse. Despair and defeat became the twin clouds I lived under.
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But as time went on, I slowly began to realize that help was as close as a prayer. At first I resisted that sanctuary of peace. Oh, I prayed. But early on they were only prayers of desperation. And when the peace that came from crying out to God appeared, I rejected it.
Somehow in my twisted thoughts I’d grabbed hold of the idea that with worry came control. As long as I was worried about something, then I could affect the outcome.
I kept praying, and added Bible reading to my routine. As I did, God’s perfect peace began to overwhelm the concern that had dominated my mind for so long. I read of His faithfulness throughout the ages and came to know His character. I discovered His love, His protection, and most of all, His concern for what concerned me.
I let go of anticipation.
I left what was to come in His hands. That was the place it had been all along. The façade of control that I’d relied so heavily on was nothing but a mirage. And it brought me nothing but stress and concern. Instead, I put my efforts into staying close by God’s side, where He could take care of me, and those I loved, no matter what came our way.
