My 15-year-old will start at a new school this week. After severe anxiety, depression and PTSD led to a massive crisis last year that resulted in nearly six months in the hospital, it was clear that she could not return to the splendid high school where she started 9th grade.
The new school has tiny classes, a lot of flexibility and people on staff who can help when my daughter has a hard day.
We’ll see how it goes. There was a time in my life when I would have been praying like mad in a situation like this. It would, after all, be a huge relief if this set-up were to work. But having been through a great many ups and downs, my prayer now involves far less begging and far more acceptance.
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I used to think that the phrase “Let go and let God” was about turning my troubles over to Him, and He would take care of things. The saying bothered me because there were many times I tried to pass Him the baton, and it fell with a clunk on the ground.
I’ve finally begun to understand that the phrase means something different. “Let go [of the outcome you desire], and let God [manifest His will].”
The Lord already knows what I desire. So my prayer today goes more like this:
“Whatever happens, Lord, is what happens. If it’s Your will for this school plan to succeed, I will be thankful. I am very tired and I really, really, really don’t want more pain. But if it all falls apart again, I will love You. And I trust I can still serve You as we figure out Plan B.”
