“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change,” said Albert Einstein (someone who ought to know about intelligence). When families change, though, intelligence competes with emotion—especially when it comes to familiar gatherings around holidays or birthdays or anniversaries. In that case, how to create new family traditions, especially during this season of Christmas?
A new marriage can immediately expand the circle of “family,” including new customs. A new baby might make grown-up outings and gatherings more challenging. A retirement might result in a move and leaving a home that was the epicenter of traditional family celebrations. A divorce may make long-held traditions suddenly uncomfortable. Or death can leave a family painfully aware of the empty seat at the table.
Whatever the reason for family changes—planned or unplanned, celebrated or mourned—the opportunity arises to practice new family traditions that continue to bring everyone together. That might mean letting go of some beloved favorites. But it also means bringing positive new energy and creativity to the setting.
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1) Try New Versions of Old Traditions
You might take change as a way of expanding existing family traditions, rather than replacing them. Take celebratory dinners for example. Maybe make dessert a potluck in order to include more eager bakers in the fun. Or have two main courses so vegetarians or vegans have a full plate. If everyone can’t attend, maybe a virtual sing-along or phone call can bring everyone together for a bit. Take the traditions you love and adapt them to your family’s new situation.
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2) Confirm Your “Why”
If you’re finding traditions hard to maintain, ask yourself: Why try to sustain them? Are they still serving the joy and peace of the family as it is today? When you identify your personal “why,” check in with others to make sure you have a shared understanding. If you don’t, it might be time to let a tradition go, to make room for a new idea to blossom.
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3) Keep a “Trial-and-Error” Mindset
Chances are, your beloved family traditions didn’t begin fully formed. In fact, some of the best traditions come out of holiday moments gone horribly wrong, like when Christmas Eve forever became pizza night after a lasagna set off the smoke detectors. Let your transitional year for new family traditions (or years) take shape organically. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself to get it right the first time. The beautiful thing about traditions is, there’s always next time!
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How have you navigated changes when it comes to new family traditions?
