The Book of Job is one of the most famous stories of suffering in the Bible—or anywhere, really. It is also one of the most meaningful examples of how friendship can either help or hurt when one friend’s life, mood, or situation has changed.
When Job, a good and righteous man, is suddenly afflicted with every illness, loss, and affliction imaginable, his three friends first do the right thing—they come, sit with him, and listen.
They are unafraid of his grief, and they act in kindness and compassion. As the scripture says: “When they saw him from a distance, they could not recognize him, and they broke into loud weeping…. They sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights. None spoke a word to him for they saw how very great was his suffering.”
If only the three friends had stopped there and had remained anchored in loving presence and compassionate listening. Unfortunately, they go a different direction, modeling for us what not to do when a friend is in crisis. When Job begins to tell them of his woes, they respond by questioning Job, challenging him that he must have done something to deserve the curses he’s enduring. For chapter after chapter, the friends debate and criticize Job, adding self-defense—and defense of God’s goodness—to Job’s long list of woes.
At the end of the book, God rebukes the friends for their behavior: “I am incensed at you and your two friends,” God says to Eliphaz the Temanite before commanding him to offer a sacrifice to atone for the friends’ insensitivity and questioning.
And in the end, the story steers us back to the model of healthy, positive relationships, as Job’s friends and family come share a meal at his home, “consoling and comforting him for all the misfortune” he had endured.
I have always wondered if the three friends were among those who gathered. I hope so—I hope they learned that their initial impulse to simply show up at a hard time was the right one.
Like those three friends, we may be tempted, when misfortune befalls someone we care about, to put our good intentions into “fixing” the situation, or even explaining it. But Job’s friends show that in an authentic and loving friendship, a time of deep suffering is not the time to problem-solve or critique. It’s a time to be present, share in the sorrow, and assure your friend they will have your support whether the days ahead are sunny or stormy.
What do you take from the story of Job and his friends?
