For more than a decade I have belonged to a community group started by two friends. It combats common problems in our urban neighborhood like overflowing trashcans and suspicious late-night activity in the park. Together my friends built a strong, positive group that has been successful in getting government agencies to respond.
And then one day the two friends had a falling out after Friend A criticized Friend B. Friend B said, angrily, “After all these years, now I’ve learned that she’s really not who I thought she was at all!”
I considered this, and because A and B were both my friends, pointed out to B it was possible there was another way to look at it.
The real question was why Friend A had acted the way she did. It might be that this incident offered new insight into Friend A… or it might be that this event was uncharacteristic of what we knew about her.
I cited Balaam and his donkey: “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?” (Numbers 22:30).
In fact, Friend A was going through a difficult divorce. She was stressed and hurting and in many ways not herself. That didn’t excuse her behavior, but in many ways it did explain it. The two found a way to more-or-less reconcile.
Oddly enough, I was the one who gained from the incident, for it etched the words of Balaam’s ass in my heart. I’m now reminded to look for obstacles I might not see at first glance that may be preventing others from behaving the way they ought.
