Several years ago, I created the Girlfriend Codes for the teen girls on my website, todaysgirls.com. I received many emails over the years from teen girls stating they had feelings for their best friend’s boyfriend or that a friend stole her boyfriend.
Here is one of those emails:
My friend is the biggest flirt, and it drives me absolutely crazy! She flirts with everyone including my crushes. She’s the type that can get anyone, but as soon as she wins over the guy, she ends up dumping him, and it’s usually my guy. I’m tired of her doing this to me, and I don’t trust her. What should I do?
Has this ever happened to your daughter or granddaughter? Or is your daughter the one who is sabotaging her friendships by choosing guys over her friends? Here are a few suggestions on what you might discuss with her.
1. Talk to your daughter about true friendships. Let her know that best friends do not sabotage their friendships in order to get guys. Sometimes, dating your friend’s ex-boyfriend does happen, but to avoid hurt feelings, friends should talk about it before it happens.
2. Is there jealousy? Friends sometimes fear the loss of a friendship when guys enter the picture because the time they spend together shifts to one of the girls spending time with the new love instead of her bff.
3. Is there low self-esteem? Many teen girls seek attention from guys to earn affirmation from others.
4. Encourage your daughter to assess her friendship. Is it based on mutual trust, loyalty and caring about each other’s feelings, or is it based on disrespect and hurtful actions?
As friends, we all make mistakes and sometimes hurt each other, but it’s not intentional. Let your daughter know that best friends have your best interest at heart.
