She Learned to Focus on Her Daughter, Not Sports

Hi Guideposts. My name is Tonya May Avent and I wrote a story about my daughter and her injury and how it changed our family and changed me in particular.

I was someone who thought that winning at all costs was most important. But upon her injury, God showed me that there was so much more to our life than just winning.

So I became a track mom when my oldest daughter, Kennedi, was six years old. Her first year, she did okay. New to everything, she tried long jump and running sprints but her second year, she really shined and broke through. She was number one in her region, she broke records. She went all the way to the national stage and became a finalist.

So from there, we really figured she had a future in track and we committed to supporting her along the journey. I treated her differently based upon her accomplishments and that’s something that I didn’t realize, but she made it known to me.

She said she felt that I treated her differently when she won versus when she lost. So just the fact that, just valuing her as a person and her life and the gift of her in our lives and just having the honor to be her mother and really guide her development, it kinda got sidetracked, I think. We were just focusing on sports, and not really developing her as a full human being and not just an athlete.

And then I just realized how much of a gift that I had in her when she couldn’t walk, when I was pushing her around in a wheelchair and she couldn’t do all of those things that she had done in the past. It allowed me just to see her as a human being and who she was and all the gifts and talents and abilities that God gave her, just having her as my daughter and in my life. It’s just life-changing, it really is.

I think parents can take a better approach by just really asking themselves, what is the purpose behind their passion? And I think, for me, it was more so the accolades that we, as a family, would receive. I think I took on her wins as my wins and it was really maybe an ego feed and I think a lot of times parents want to be able to say, “Oh, I have a champion” or “I have a straight-A student” or “I have a star athlete.”

So I think once parents really realize the basis for their desire for their children’s success and achievement, that would really change their thinking and how they’re approaching it.

I also think having an open and honest conversation with their child and allowing their child to speak about how the parent’s actions affect the child would really open their eyes and hopefully cause them to change their behavior toward their child.

My relationship with God has really grown and changed dramatically. There’s been a lot of questions from me, just asking, “Why, why God? Or “How, God? How could you let this happen to her? What about her future?” I questioned all the plans that I had for my daughter, realizing that now, I’m focused on His plan and I’ve accepted whatever His plan is for her life.

And I remember one evening in the kitchen, I asked Him again, I’m crying, “Why would you, how could you let this happen?” And He told me, I heard Him say, “Because you’ll give me the glory out of this.” So that’s why I’m telling the story. Because I want to share what happened and I want Him to get the glory out of what happened to us. It’s not gonna be in vain. He’ll get the glory in the end.