I knew that first holiday season without her would be difficult.
After all, she wasn’t just my mother. She was my very best friend, my secret keeper, my cheerleader and my favorite Christmas shopping buddy.
After Mom lost her battle with colon cancer in May 2006, I stumbled through Mother’s Day, her birthday and the summer months–still numb from her passing. But I dreaded the holiday season.
Thanksgiving had been hard enough–I just couldn’t bear to face the empty chair at Christmas.
That was her favorite holiday.
When I phoned my older sister to tell her we wouldn’t be home for the holidays, she was devastated.
“But we need each other, especially this year,” she pleaded. “Please come home.”
I knew it might be selfish, but I couldn’t go through the normal traditions we’d always shared as a family. I wasn’t prepared to fake my way through that first Christmas without Mom, so I sort of boycotted the norm and asked my sweet family to be patient with me.
Then, I booked a condo at Hollywood Beach, Florida, and my husband and I and our two tweenage daughters headed south for a totally non-traditional Christmas.
We traded in our Christmas tree for palm trees and spent Christmas morning on the beach–no present opening, no holiday movies, no Christmas cookies, no ugly Christmas sweaters–just us, the ocean and God.
The four of us bonded in a new way and remembered Mom as we walked along the beach at sunset Christmas night. What could’ve been a disastrous holiday ended up very sweet and meaningful.
It also gave me a chance to cry out to God and let Him comfort me, away from the hustle and bustle of the holiday crowds.
That’s how I survived my first Christmas without Mom, but grief is a very personal thing so maybe you handled it differently.
There’s no right or wrong way, but there are some actions we can take to help other families who might be facing their first Christmas after the passing of a loved one.
Dr. Helen McIntosh, a licensed Christian counselor, inspirational speaker, and the author of Extreme Damage Makeover From the Inside Out, shares these tips for helping a hurting family this holiday season:
1. Lend a listening ear: Let the person share special memories of holidays gone by and offer to help compile a memory scrapbook in honor of the loved one who is gone.
2. Provide a special holiday chair: Ask the grieving family if you could create a special memorial ribbon for “the empty chair” to honor the loved one’s memory.
3. Throw a card shower: Ask friends and extended family to write special memories of the person who is gone, affirming just how special that person was while on earth. Then, gather the cards and give them to the grieving family.
4. Offer to do mundane tasks: Running errands, cooking meals, Christmas shopping and cleaning the house all become more difficult during the holiday season–especially if a family is dealing with the recent loss of a loved one. Offer to do whatever needs to be done.
5. Ask if you can help honor their loved one in a special way: The grieving family might not have even thought about establishing a scholarship in the loved one’s name. Offer suggestions and then help that family make it happen.
Whether you’re experiencing grief this holiday season or you know someone who is hurting, the Heavenly Father is in the heart healing business.
He understands pain and grief. After all, He experienced it firsthand when He sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins. Turn to Him today and let Him love you through the holidays.
Pray this with me:
Father, I am asking that You help me focus on the joy of this Season. And, Father, help me to be sensitive to those who might be struggling with grief and loss this Christmas. Help me to show Your love to them. In the mighty Name of Your Son, Jesus, Amen.
