Your teen daughter asks, “What did I do? Why isn’t anyone talking to me? Why isn’t anyone answering my texts?” One minute, she’s popular, then the next minute, nobody is talking to her.
The silent treatment has been around for a long time, and it’s one of those passive-aggressive behaviors teen girls use to manipulate and hurt other girls.
It’s their mean way of controlling others to get their way, and they don’t have to say one word to accomplish their goal. It’s complete withdrawal of approval and complete withdrawal of emotional and physical contact. It’s emotional abuse.
Our normal reaction is to run as fast as we can to fix it. We’ll apologize for things we didn’t even do or compromise our values to get back to a normal life.
If your daughter has tried to seek the cause of the silent treatment and has failed to receive a response, here are a few thoughts to help your teen daughter during her silent times:
1. Encourage her to remain calm and not to react to her friends’ ignoring her. It’s hard to do, but that’s what her friend wants her to do–react.
Remember, it’s all about control and making her feel miserable. Once she understands the dynamics behind the silent treatment, this might help her get through this frustrating time.
2. Explain that it’s better for her to continue daily activities and maintain a normal routine. If her friend sees her going on with life as usual, and it doesn’t bother her, her friend might think twice and start talking.
3. Encourage her to increase her circle of friends. If her friend or friends are treating her like this, then she needs to ask why she wants friends who are mean to her. Friends don’t use the silent treatment. Seek new friends who will treat her with respect and kindness.
4. Remind your daughter or granddaughter this is not about her, but about the one who is using the silent treatment to hurt her.
No one should seek their own good, but the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:24 NIV)
