Lori Durham’s Advice for Sandwich Generation Caregivers

Hi Guideposts. My name is Lori Durham, and the story that I wrote is called “Sandwich Generation Blues.” It describes the time in my life when my ailing mother-in-law and my daughter and her husband and two cats moved into our house to create a rambunctious household.

Not long after I retired, we received a phone call from my daughter, Alison, asking if she, Brandon, and her cats could move back into our house. My mother-in-law began having lower back pains. She became even more ill, which required a hospitalization, and it was clear that she needed to stay with us until she could improve with her health.

Living with my children and our cats, taking care of my mother-in-law was chaotic. I felt claustrophobic in the house, so it was overwhelming, and it led to a lot of stress on my part and it led to some depression.

My advice to caregivers is, first of all, it’s important to take care of yourself. If you’re depleted on the inside, if you’re an emotional wreck, you are unable to take care of those around you because you have nothing left to give. So find something that brings joy to your life, that can refresh your spirit.

I think it’s important to keep a sense of humor. I feel like I lost my sense of humor in the midst of all that was going on in the house, all the chaos and the overcrowdedness and the busy-ness of my life at that point in time. But try to find the humor in life, step back, and allow yourself to laugh at the situation as best you can.

I’d also encourage caregivers not to be afraid to ask for help. I had people around me who would have helped me more if I had asked. Finally, caregivers need to also consider seriously, if they need it, professional help or support groups. If you don’t have a family to help you with the person you’re taking care of, then seek out other people who are going through similar things. Seek out professional help. Life is bigger than this moment that you’re in and you need to focus on bigger pictures rather than narrowing your vision on the task at hand.