Greene is the author of By the Book in the Secrets of Mary’s Bookshop series from Guideposts Books.
This year our wedding anniversary came and went without much hoopla. We exchanged store-bought cards, shared a nice dinner, then spent the rest of the evening pursuing our differing interests: He, a former fire chief, listened to the dispatcher reporting a fire at the other end of the county, while I brainstormed my latest mystery, By the Book.
Was this what 36 years with the same person was supposed to look like? To anyone walking into the room at that moment, it would have looked incredibly boring.
When we first started dating, we knew ours was an opposites-attract relationship. He believed in going “by the book,” whereas I preferred to make up my own rules. I liked to play with “what if” scenarios, while he chose to focus on “what is.”
Early in our relationship, our many differences amused us, and the new flush of romance drew us close. We exchanged vows in front of the preacher, agreeing to accept each other for richer or poorer, and stand by each other in sickness and health.
Despite our opposite personalities, we were a unified front when it came to raising the children we loved with equal ferocity. But, as kids have a tendency to do, ours grew up and left home, leaving us to ponder what glue would now bind us. What activities could we enjoy together, now that we had the house all to ourselves? Reading and writing novels, taking the dogs for a run, socializing with friends? Nope, nope and nope. Going on fire calls, reporting for Coast Guard Reserve duty, watching NASCAR races? No offense, honey, but I’d rather stab myself with a fork.
The weather turned unexpectedly cold on the evening of our anniversary, and he went to the basement to light the woodstove. He arranged the kindling, and I handed him sticks of firewood. I thought of how the logs needed to be close enough to keep the flames lit, but not so close as to suffocate the fire. Like us, they needed to be far enough apart to breathe.
At that moment, I knew we had plenty in common to keep our fire going. Values. Faith. Family. Someday we’ll have grandkids to dote on together.
I went back to brainstorming By the Book, a story that revolves around a mysterious fire in the bakery next door to Mary’s bookshop. He turned his attention to planning for the next parade in which he would drive his restored antique fire truck. Gratitude filled my heart for the years we had shared, and I asked him to help me figure out the circumstances around the fictional fire at Sweet Susan’s Bakery. We teamed up, him providing the factual probabilities, me the creative storytelling. It was fun, each of us tapping in to the parts we enjoy most.
Perhaps that’s the key. Not necessarily to be alike, but to fit together. To make a fire, you need fuel, heat and oxygen. The same can be said for a marriage. We’re fueled by love, attraction, and shared values. Heat comes from the occasional tribulations and differences of opinion. And oxygen comes from God, who breathes life into the most unlikely relationships.
