Reprinted from The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It by arrangement with Avery Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) LLC, A Penguin Random House Company. Copyright © 2015, Kelly McGonigal, PhD.
Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake. This definition is big enough to hold both the frustration over traffic and the grief over a loss. It includes your thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions when you’re feeling stressed, as well as how you choose to cope with situations you’d describe as stressful. This definition also highlights an important truth about stress: stress and meaning are inextricably linked. You don’t stress out about things you don’t care about, and you can’t create a meaningful life without experiencing some stress.
I believe embracing stress changes how you think about yourself and what you can handle. It is not a purely intellectual exercise. Focusing on the upside of stress transforms how you experience it physically and emotionally. It changes how you cope with the challenges in your life.
Seeing the upside of stress is not about deciding whether stress is either all good or all bad. It’s about how choosing to see the good in stress can help you meet the challenges in your life. Use these tips to discover your own strength, courage, and compassion in the midst of stress.
1) Turn nerves into excitement.
When you’re anxious before a big event—be it a meeting, a speech, a competition, or an exam—remember that there is a fine line between anxiety and excitement. When you need to take a leap and want to do well, don’t worry about forcing yourself to relax. Instead, embrace the nerves, tell yourself you’re excited, and know that your heart is in it.
2) Turn a threat into a challenge.
Viewing the stress response as a resource can transform the physiology of fear into the biology of courage. Whatever the sensations of stress are, worry less about trying to make them go away, and focus more on what you are going to do with the energy, strength, and drive that stress gives you. Your body is providing you access to all your resources to help you rise to this challenge. Instead of taking a deep breath to calm down, take a deep breath to sense the energy that is available to you. Then put the energy to use, and ask yourself, “What action can I take, or what choice can I make, that is consistent with my goal in this moment?”
3) Turn overwhelmed into hopeful.
When you are feeling overwhelmed, look for a way to do something for someone else that goes beyond your daily responsibilities. Your brain might tell you that you don’t have the time or energy, but that is exactly why you should do it. By doing so, you prime your body and brain to take positive action and to experience courage, hope, and connection. It’s a small choice that can have unexpectedly large effects on how you experience stress.
4) Turn self-focus into bigger-than-self goals.
When you feel stress rising at work or in any other important area of your life, ask yourself, “What are my bigger-than-self goals?” and “How is this an opportunity to serve them?” If you’re struggling to find a bigger-than-self goal, consider spending a few moments reflecting on what kind of positive impact you want to have on the people around you; what mission in life or at work most inspires you; what you want to contribute to the world; and what change you want to create.
