I’ve been struggling lately. There have been few times in my life when Psalm 34:14 (“Keep your tongue from evil”) has been so present in my mind. For this week, at least, the world is almost certainly a better place if I speak less.
Unfortunately, I am not always gracious in my silence. When someone says something that gets on my nerves (a frequent occurrence, since I am so easily irritated) I tend to gaze a moment too long, as if to say, “I want to say something rude, but I’m holding back–did you notice?” This may be why my family feels more oppressed than impressed by my restraint. And yet, honestly, it’s the best I can do.
I was talking to a friend about this, and she asked, bluntly, “Well, why don’t you just say what you think? Everyone has a right to be angry!”
I replied, “Yes and no. There are thoughts and feelings I need to articulate, but right now all that would come out is venom. And venting isn’t the same as sharing.” Unless I process my emotions before I express them, there’s little possibility of fruitful discussion.
And so I carve out time alone, talk to friends and go on as many long, vigorous walks as I can. These things give me space to ask God to show new ways to look at my situation, to ask Him for insight into where and why I’m stuck, and to beg for the wisdom to know when to speak and what to say.
It hasn’t worked out perfectly. But this much I know: figuring out how to express what I feel in a way that others can hear it is a big step up from blasting them with raw feelings. “In your anger do not sin,” Paul tells the Ephesians (4:26). Sometimes the best way to make that happen is to keep my mouth shut for a time.
